Screw Mayonnaise

I love this. My food preferences or hates are not going to affect you living your life in any way. Unless we are connected via placenta

Thought Catalog

Don’t you hate those people who talk about their diets all the time? They go on and on about how they’re “so into lentils right now,” and how they’ve stopped eating gluten because it’s bad for everyone, and how they’ve never been to a Taco Bell and want to keep that streak alive. Well, I’m basically that person. Sorry to be so annoying.

I have a love/hate relationship with food. I, as any patriotic American, love food with all my heart, yet certain foods make me angrier and more disturbed than anything else in the world.

For instance: cookies? Delicious. Mashed potatoes? Nothing better has ever been invented (and I’m including all inventions in my considerations, not merely edible ones). Hamburgers? I worship those meat patties at a special ground beef church every Sunday. Et cetera, et cetera. Clearly you can see my patriotic devotion and dedication to the culinary…

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